DRAFT DAY DIARY or MY FANTASY TEAM SUCKS. » sportvent.com
DRAFT DAY DIARY or MY FANTASY TEAM SUCKS. HOW'S YOURS?
by Matt Minucci
This was me on draft night. I blame the hotwings.
Well, it's that time of year again! Football season is upon us and for some of us, it's a time of joy. And sorrow for our wives. And with the advent of football season comes the obligatory start up of fantasy football season.
A few days ago I participated in a live draft at a bar in Long Island. It was a fairly standard twelve team league. You start 1 QB, 1 tightend, 1 kicker and 1 team defense. The only wrinkle is that you start THREE running backs, not two, to go along with three wide receivers and 1 flex spot that can be either a WR, TE or RB.
I had the 6th pick in the draft and felt pretty confident. However, I've heard the Nazi's felt pretty confident when they invaded Russia and we pretty much both had the same result. First we got bogged down, then we made some bad choices, then we got destroyed.
You will fail.
Things started off bad for me when I randomly got the 6th pick out of 12. Crap. I didn't want the 6th pick. Right smack in the middle. I'm waiting forever to pick going in both directions. Oh well, can't complain too much. Let's do this!
Round 1:
What luck! I'm gonna kill this draft! After Adrian Peterson goes first overall, the following players go: Matt Forte, Maurice Jones-Drew, D'Angelo Williams and Frank Gore. I thought I was screwed. I was sure I'd be stuck with Frank Gore. But no. Somehow, miracle of miracles, Michael "The Burner" Turner falls all the way to me at six! I order two tall ales and a plate of wings to celebrate. That's 1400 yards rushing and 12-14 TDs falling right into my lap. Score!
Just win baby!
Round 2:
Not so good. Twelve picks. Ten running backs. Add the first 6 picks and that's sixteen runningbacks and two wide receivers gone. That and those wings aren't sitting right. I order another two tale ales to hopefully settle my stomach and look at who I'm taking with my second pick. The field of running backs look like no man's land in 1917 Europe. Bodies are strewn everywhere, covered in barbed wire and mustard gas. It's like Sunday morning at Samantha Ronson's house. Ronnie Brown, Pierre Thomas, Kevin Smith...those are among the best RBs out there. I can't do it. I can't pass up an elite WR here. Andre Johnson. Not bad. Johnson and Turner to start.
It's only round 2 and I'm already in the gutter.
Ok. Deep Breath. I down one of my beers and get ready for...
Round 3:
I just choked on my beer. It went from ugly to downright horrifying. It looks like plastic surgery done by Freddie Kruger and Mike Myers. Twelve picks. Twelve more running backs. I think I might weep. There's really no one left now. There's the rookies: Beanie Wells and Knowshon Moreno. And if this were a keeper league, that'd be fine. But it's not. I order another plate of hot wings to distract myself and look at my options. Not a single WR was taken since I took Andre Johnson. Sooo...I can punt my RBs and go with a WR or QB - they're all left. But since it's only 4 pts for a passing TD, I opt for the WR. But...I'm punting RBs in a RB heavy league. Wonderful. I start to think about everything else $125.00 will get me, other than the entry fee into this league. So, I down another beer and announce in a slightly-sober voice, "I am taking Reggie f-ing Wayne." Okay then.
Reggie Wayne? Now look sad and say, "Doh."
Round 4:
Are these people insane? Do they know something I don't? Just what the hell is going on here? Did I just drip wing sauce all over the front of my white Cowboy jersey? The running backs are hemorrhaging now. I think someone just drafted Emmitt Smith. It's getting down right nasty in here. I got no choice. I take Anquan Boldin. Soooo...my WRs are Andre Johnson, Reggie Wayne and Anquan Boldin. But my RBs after Turner might very well be Alex Stemkovsky (astemkovsky)and Ricky The Dragon Steamboat. Not good.
Not good.
Round 5:
Well, the running back run finally ended. Mainly because I started throwing chicken wing bones at anyone that took a running back after my last pick. Well, that and the fact that the best RB left might be Roger Craig. Anyway, people started sniping the rest of the Wideouts and a few Quarterbacks. Brady, the good Manning and Brees all went. I dare to be different. I take Jason Freakin' Witten! This pick is met with mostly silence mixed with a few snickers. I swear I know what I'm doing! He's the #1 receiving option in Dallas. To hell with Roy E. Williams! I've had enough beer to drown a midget and eaten more wings that Frank Purdue. Don't mess with me right now.
This is probably how I should have drafted my team.
Round 7:
I've already started thinking up team names for my 2010 Fantasy Baseball team. Fresh off securing the immortal Julius Jones as my 2nd running back, I land Fred Jackson as my third back. Jackson, in case you weren't aware, will be the starting RB for the Buffalo Bills for the first 3 games of the season, while Marshawn Lynch serves a suspension. That's what I've been reduced to. I'll worry about week 4 when it happens. Ugh.
It was one helluva bus ride.
Rounds 8 and 9:
Nothing to see here. Just a train wreck. Move along. In desperation, I select Rashard Mendenhall for my flex spot, hoping Willie Parker is done. Then I snag Carson Palmer because, hey, you have to have a Quarterback. It's in the rules. You just don't have to have a good one. Arrgh.
My fantasy draft, 2009.
Round 10:
I ask if anyone's taken Jason Witten yet. Then I realize I took him 4 round ago. Ouch. Might as well order more beer and wings. Because, at this point, why the hell not? I wrap up the 10th round by taking the Vikings defense because you have to have a defense. You give up a lot of TDs if you don't have a defense. That's beer and wing logic for you.
The best part of my draft.
The remainder of the draft:
I filled out the rest of my bench and got my kickers in the last two rounds, which were probably the best picks I made all night. Here is the finished product in all it's ugly glory:
The Mattrix
damned if i know.
QB - Carson Palmer, Cincy
QB - Shawn Hill, San Fran
RB - Michael Turner, Atlanta
RB - Julius Jones, Seattle
RB - Fred Jackson, Buffalo
RB - Rashard Mendenhall, Pitt
RB - Laurence Maroney, NE
RB - Michael Bush, Oakland
WR - Andre Johnson, Houston
WR - Reggie Wayne, Indy
WR - Anquan Boldin, Arizona
WR - Chris Chambers, San Diego
WR - Nate Burleson, Seattle
WR - Deion Branch, Seattle
WR - Sidney Rice, Minnesota
TE - Jason Witten, Dallas
K - Neil Rackers, Arizona
K - Matt Prater, Denver
D - Minnesota Vikings
D - New England Patriots
So, what have we learned? Except that I don't seem to know a whole lot about football. But...I do. I really do. In fact, too much. Because I was so convinced certain players 'weren't that good' or 'weren't worth taking that early', I passed up solid RB options and went for a dominating wide receiving corps. The problem with that is that you are totally contingent on both the Quarterback slinger the ball and the conditions of the game. Runningbacks will always get the ball - except in those rare complete blow outs where the team is passing all day. But even in those instances, short yardage touchdowns can occur. Sure my wide receivers are ridiculous. But so are my running backs - and not in a good way. More like in a Dudley's molester from Diff'rent Strokes way.
What's he doin' to Dudley? Ohhhh....
Of course, I will do my best to correct draft day errors. I'll make free agent moves (clearly I'll need a back up tight end before Witten's bye week), make trades and play matchups. But it would be far easier to trade a Knowshon Moreno or a Kevin Smith for a key wide receiver, than it will be to trade package Anquan Boldin and Fred Jackson for a stud RB.
I will keep you all posted on how this team progresses over the course of this season. And by Grapthar's Hammer, I swear, I will never give up! Never surrender!
