Mark McGwire had done it, With Andro he'd won it, And Bud Selig turned a blind eye to it all. Cream and Clear were being born, And Congress, they would scorn, So down in the old swamp, The national past-time went on trial.
We're talkin' baseball! I-Rod and Tejada. Talkin' baseball! Giambi and Gary Sheffield. Manny, Raffy, and A-Rod, They used it all from hormones to steroids. Especially Barry, Rocket and So-sa!
Barry, Rocket and So-sa!
Welcome to baseball in the 21st century. Steroids, PEDs and interleague play! This year, 2009, the National Baseball Hall of Fame welcomes two new members into it's hallowed halls. Jim Rice and Rickey Henderson will join a collection of stars at Cooperstown this summer. (note: old time Yankee 2nd baseman Joe Gordon also got in via the veteran's committee.) Rice was a feared slugger in his day, and Henderson is simply a living legend. Anyway, it got me to thinking about some future hall of fame classes. Specifically the class of 2013.
Because nothing says baseball like Barry Bonds in drag.
In 2013, baseball will face the unpleasant task of judging the merits of three of the game's most legendary players. Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds and Sammy Sosa will comprise the most stunning hall of fame class in recent memory. And that's just sad. This class surely must make Bud Selig wake up in cold sweats, cursing and muttering obscenities to his pillow.
Soup good! Steroids baaad!
It should be a celebration. A celebration of baseball and everything great about it. Instead, it's a condemnation of everything that's wrong with the modern game. In all likelihood, Bonds, Clemens and Sosa will not get in to the Hall - at least not in 2013. My guess is the Baseball writers who vote for this thing will blacklist them. The question is: Should they? Let's look at their resumes, shall we?
I can't really think of anything funny to say about this picture.
Barry Bonds: Bonds of course has two of baseball's most iconic marks. Most career home runs - 762. And most homers in a single season - 73. He also has 2227 runs, 2935 hits, 514 stolen bases and 2558 walks. He was a 14 time all-star and won the MVP SEVEN times. Amazing. Of course, he also did enough steroids to kill Secretariat. His dalliances in PEDs introduced BALCO, the Cream, the Clear, HGH and Conte into our everyday baseball conversations. The Giants were so eager to get rid of him they gleefully waved good bye to him when his contract was up and never looked back. When he broke Aaron's hallowed mark of 755 no one cared. No one showed up. Selig pretended to have much more important things to do. Like eat ho-ho's and watch NASCAR. When he entered free agency and practically begged other ML teams to give him a look, no one called. He was a pariah. Teams stayed away in droves, like he was diseased or on fire. An inglorious and embarrassing ending to one of the games most feared hitters ever.
Barry Bonds announces his retirement.
Roger Clemens: The Rocket. 354 career wins. Won over 20 games six times in his career. Finished with 4672 strikeouts, good for 3rd all-time. Led the league in strikeouts 5 times. Led the league in ERA seven times. Won seven Cy-Young awards, 1 MVP and was an 11-time all-star. Of course, late in his career he was dogged by steroid allegations, by such people as Jose Canseco and Jason Grimsley. But no one took them seriously. Until George Mitchell filed his report. People took that very seriously, didn't they Roger? In the report, Clemens dealer, Brian McNamee alleges that he injected Clemens with HGH, steroids, testosterone, french polynesian wahoo juice, bull semen and 700 lbs of uncut bolivian cocaine. Ok I made a few of those up. Point is, for Roger, the jig was up. Oh he tried to dance around it, alleging McNamee was lying and such. But McNamee just happened to keep a syringe with Rocket's DNA on it. Oops. Clemens then proceeded to throw everyone he knew - from his friends, teammates, lawyers, agents, even his wife! - under the proverbial bus, but the damage was done. These days Clemens busies himself hiding in his mansion under his piles of cash, while awaiting trial on federal perjury charges.
Roger Clemens' family and loved ones.
Sammy Sosa: Slammin' Sammy. 609 Career homeruns. 1667 RBIs. 2408 career hits. Seven time all-star. Won an MVP award. Is the only player to hit over SIXTY homeruns three times or more, with seasons of 64, 66 and and 63. Hell, Ruth only hit 60 once. Maris too. Freakshow McGwire only did it twice. And Bobble-head Bonds only once. Slammin' Sammy was pure power. Of course it was fake, illegal power, but who's complaining? Oh right. The funny thing about Sosa was that even though we all knew he was using - I mean, the mere sight of his grotesquely swollen body proved that - there was never any real, solid proof linking Sammy to PEDs. No smoking gun so to speak. Until now. Now we learn that Sosa failed a drug test in 2003 for PEDs and is one of the fabled 104. For those that don't know, 104 players were listed on a confidential list of players that failed voluntary drug tests in 2003. Of the 104 players on the list, only A-Rod and Sosa have been revealed to be on it. The list was supposed to have been destroyed, but Bud Selig approached this task with the same alacrity and acumen that he's used on just about everything during his tenure as MLB commissioner, so, there you go. That's all she wrote for Slammin' Sammy.
Don't bogart the 'roids dude! It's my turn to shoot.
Of course, the real question that needs to be answered, as I raised it earlier, is: Should they be voted into Baseball's Hall of Fame. The knee-jerk answer by many is NO! Many people want to throw them under the Hall and pile about 10,000 lbs of manure on top of them. I can relate to this. I understand the anger and outrage at the way these 3 stars - and others like A-Rod, McGwire, Palmeiro and so on - have basically shat upon the game of baseball and it's records and history. However, there is also a large number of people that feel they SHOULD get into the Hall, regardless of their crimes, because either, hey everyone was doing it, it's part of the era they played in, or they would have gotten in on their own merits whether they did PEDs or not. I say that's debatable with Sosa, but probably true with Clemens and Bonds. But the fact remains, whether baseball chose to look a blind eye or not, these players cheated.
I wish I'd made this headline up.
However, I have a solution. You knew I did, didn't you? To me, the Hall of Fame is a baseball history museum. It's not a popularity contest. I think baseball history should be preserved in all it's glory and all it's sordid details. When the Hall first opened it's doors in 1936, it started with an inaugural class of Babe Ruth, Christy Mathewson, Walter Johnson, Ty Cobb and Honus Wagner. These 5 men epitomized Baseball and the fame attached with being baseball's greatest players. There were others to be sure. Nap Lajoie, Connie Mack, Tris Speaker, to name a few. And they were given their due in subsequent years. Ogden Nash once wrote:
Z is for Zenith, the summit of fame. These men are up there. These men are the game.
I would like to crib a page from this. I would open a new wing. Let's put it in the basement and call it: The Hall of Shame. Or Hall of Infamy if you would prefer. Like Nash, I would write a nice little poem for my Hall.
N is for Nadir, the high price of fame. These men are down here. These men shat on the game.
A special place for Rocket, Barry, Slammin' Sammy and the rest.
My founding five would be: Shoeless Joe Jackson, who, while probably innocent, pretty much epitomizes the cost of cheating in the game - well, at least, gambling on the game. Pete Rose would be next. Nothing says Hall of Shame like Pete Rose. And of course, Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa and Roger Clemens. This would be my founding five for the new Hall of Shame. Of course, we could easily induct others as the years go by. Like Bud Selig, A-Rod, Rafael Palmeiro. Gary Sheffield. Not Jason Giambi though. Remember, you first must have the requisite stats to get into the actual Hall of Fame. Then you have to cheat. I think this is a fantastic idea. We could have the bat shard that Roger Clemens used to try to kill Mike Piazza in the 2000 World Series. We could have Sammy Sosa's corked bat. A whole section on steroids. We could have a game for the kids where the more steroids you inject into Barry Bonds, the larger his head grows and the smaller his balls shrink. If his head pops, you win a prize.
Pop his head. Win a prize. Fun at parties. Tell a friend.
The Hall could be adorned in black bunting and streamers. We'd jazz it up with some 21st century technology and have holograms in the plaques for our players instead of busts. These holograms would be voice activated and would cry when jeered. It would be fantastic.
We shouldn't run from baseball history, no matter how sad or dismal. We should embrace it, because it comprises what the game is today as much as anything or anyone great. Because sometimes the truth just isn't pretty.
The highest paid player in baseball.
Oh and I would have one special place reserved in the Hall of Shame for a special person. The one person that cried foul about steroids right from the get go. This person, despite being ridiculed and lambasted by nearly everyone in the world, accurately identified Jason Giambi, Mark McGwire, Ivan Rodriguez, Juan Gonzalez, Roger Clemens, Albert Belle, Rafael Palmeiro and Alex Rodriguez. Of course, he was probably able to do this because he supplied them all. But let's hear it for the patron saint of our Hall of Shame: Jose Canseco!
